Let’s be honest: not all animals are meant to be pets. While some bring joy, cuddles, and unconditional love, others make you question humanity’s choices. For me, the crown jewel of petdom is, without a doubt, the dog — and slithering at the bottom of the list (with zero apologies) is the snake.
Look, I’m a simple person. I see a dog, I melt. It’s science. They’re furry, they’re loyal, they greet you like you’re a returning conquering hero even if you just went to the mailbox. They’re basically tiny, slobbery, four-legged therapists. And their eyes! Those adorable, pleading eyes that say, “Please, just one more belly rub?” How can you resist? It’s like they’re genetically engineered for maximum adorableness.
Now, let’s talk about the animal kingdom’s equivalent of a cold, slimy handshake: snakes. Ugh. Just the thought of them gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Biblically, they’re the original bad guys. I mean, they tempted Eve with an apple. That’s like the animal kingdom’s version of identity theft. They’re the ultimate betrayers. Plus, they slither. Slithering is just inherently creepy. It’s like they’re constantly plotting something. There’s no wagging tail, no joyful bark, no “aww” factor.
And don’t even get me started on their eyes. They’re like tiny, soulless black beads, staring into your soul, judging your life choices. They’re the embodiment of “resting snake face.”
Look, I get it. Some people like snakes. They think they’re “cool” or “exotic.” But to me, they’re just long, scaly nope ropes. I’d rather cuddle a cactus than a snake. At least the cactus won’t try to swallow me whole.
So, there you have it. My official pet ranking: Dogs are the undisputed champions, the fluffy, slobbery kings and queens of the animal kingdom. And snakes? Well, let’s just say they’re better off staying in the garden of Eden, far, far away from my living room.
MOTIVATED AND FREE 
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