Let’s be honest: we are all currently living in a productivity nightmare. You’re expected to be a visionary Director by day, a master chef by evening, a supportive spouse by night, and somehow find time to “self-care” (which usually just means staring at a wall in silence for four minutes).

I’ve had enough. And that’s why I’m launching the most ridiculous, high-stakes, and potentially illegal-sounding business of the century.

Meet The Proxy Pro™.

The Concept: Professional Stunt Doubles for Real Life

The Proxy Pro is a premium agency that provides you with a “Certified Life Double.” These aren’t just assistants; these are world-class actors and tacticians trained to look, speak, and be you in the situations you’d rather avoid.

Why You Need This (Don’t Lie)

How many times have you been stuck in a “this could have been an email” meeting while your kid is having a milestone moment at home? Or how many times have you had to attend a 4-hour community board meeting about “parking zones” when you’d rather be literally anywhere else?

The Proxy Pro™ steps in when you want to step out.

Our Service Tiers:

1. The “Nod & Smile” Corporate Proxy: Need to attend a mandatory Zoom webinar on “Synergistic Paradigms”? Our Proxy will sit there in your favorite shirt, nodding thoughtfully and occasionally typing “Great point, Susan!” into the chat while you’re actually at the gym or taking a nap.
2. The “Auntie’s 90th Birthday” Family Proxy: A 6-hour family reunion where everyone asks why you aren’t a billionaire yet? Our Proxy (equipped with a hidden earpiece for family lore) will handle the small talk, eat the dry fruitcake, and laugh at the same stories for the tenth time. You just show up for the final 10 minutes for the photo.
3. The “Queue King” Proxy: Want the new iPhone or a seat at that pop-up restaurant but don’t want to stand in the rain for three hours? Our Proxy is trained in “Advanced Standing.” They endure the elements; you arrive when the doors open.

The Technology (The “Secret Sauce”)

We use high-fidelity silicon masks (think Mission Impossible but with better skin routines) and AI-generated voice modulators. By the time the “Proxy” is done, your boss will think you’ve never been more engaged, and your mother-in-law will think you’ve finally started listening to her advice.

The Proxy Pro: Because you’re only human, but your schedule thinks you’re a god.

What do you think? Would you hire a Proxy for your next strategic alignment meeting, or are you still doing things the old-fashioned way (by actually showing up)?

Let me know in the comments!